


Searched The Universe For Years

by kierathefangirl



Series: Night Terrors and Searched the Universe for Years [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe (AU) - Telepathic Bond By Prayer (between Dean & Cas), M/M, Multi, Supernatural AU - Alive Gabriel, Supernatural AU - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 12:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5248460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierathefangirl/pseuds/kierathefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winchester boys got wind of a case in which a homophobic ghost attacks lesbians and gays (usually married couples) in Lawrence, Kansas. Sam & Dean are arguing over whether or not to go after it when Gabriel arrives, shouting that he's searched the universe for years and cannot find Dean, Sam, or Cas' heterosexuality before collapsing, exhausted, on the motel room floor. Cas pretends not to notice but is blushing furiously. Dean is blushing but checks Gabriel's pulse to see if he's alive, asks Cas to make sure it's really him-confirmed-and Sam is unnervingly worried, blushing but carrying him awkwardly onto a bed (his, of course). Chaos ensues once he wakes back up a couple hours later. Lots of fluff. Destiel and Sabriel</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cas and Sam

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeweldancer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/gifts).



> This is a slight AU, based on something I saw from Tumblr on Google Images. No credit for idea, but I did write the story myself. Late at night and probably tired but...whatever, it can't wait or I might forget. I'll wing it. *no pun intended (angel wings)* This whole story is in first person, I know, based on what I know so far about the character. It won't be perfect, but it will be my best work. First time publishing, be patient with me! There is a minor scene with a bloody Gabriel, having (literally) fallen out of Heaven, landing a few hundred feet away from the Winchesters' highly noticeable Impala and heading inside, hoping for their assistance. Does use phrase "scraped to all Hell" (Dean's perspective) to describe Gabriel's appearance.
> 
> I usually write during school and late at night. If the story takes a strange turn, just bear with me. First time of over twenty fanfictions (most because they're still being written, I can write really long ones) that I've published, be patient with me while I continue to write and gain publishing experience. I have been writing stories since I was seven, due to having an author for a mother. First Destiel + Sabriel AU I've done, but I have put the two together before, usually with background Destiel or background Sabriel and not focusing on both relationships.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds a case in Lawrence, Kansas. Gabriel shows up, bloody and very injured. Lots of fluff, especially between Dean & Cas here. Dean's version of what went down, and it's kinda funny once they're out of the motel room (alone, together, just Dean & Cas).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a prayer directly to Cas on Dean's part and it's kinda adorable. There's a hug, which is adorable because it takes Cas by surprise. Dean is really, really, really wound up, (It's not explained exactly, but it's because of what both Cas and Gabriel say about Dean. It's really funny that he's so wound up but he calms down by hugging Cas so it's okay.) :) They discuss the case a little but it's not in a very interested way. :D

**_~Dean~_ **

“So, get this.” Sam spins his laptop around. “Lawrence, Kansas. Again. Except this time...”

"Let me guess,” I grumble. “Hellhounds, ghosts, shapeshifters, murderous fairies, and werewolves.”

Sam laughs. “Well, no. Homophobic ghost. This couple, Agatha and Abbey Blackwell—both women, notice—recently got married. Legalized in their state. Went out for their honeymoon in Lawrence—who’d honeymoon there?—and a couple weeks later, they showed up on their own doorstep all mangled and bloody— and _very_ dead. Then, a couple weeks after that, these two men—Adam and Kenneth Lawrence—also took their honeymoon there. Both couples came from a town up in Indiana—Bloomington—and had no alibi to make them a revenge target. Police are calling on the public to give them any details they need to close the case, they’re desperate.”

“Nice. Just your friendly, _murderously homophobic_ neighborhood ghost case. Ugh. What is normal anymore? Don’t answer that.”

Cas—leaning against the dresser and attempting to look only mildly interested in our discussion—suddenly bolts upright and whirls towards the door. “Dean, we have company.”

My gaze snaps up and Sam shuts his laptop, Sam and I standing warily together.

The door slams open with a golden flash and what seems to be Gabriel stumbles into the room, bloody and scraped to all Hell.

Cas’ eyes widen. “Dean, that’s my brother, Gabriel. It’s _really_ him.”

Gabriel trips over torn jeans, falling gracefully onto the floor. Sam hesitantly picks him up, lifting Gabriel onto his bed.

Gabriel groans, coughing. Cas, breathing shakily, lightly touches his brother’s hand. “Gabriel?’

“ _Cas,_ ” he breathes. “Thank Naomi I landed here. Dad literally threw me down here. _Ow._ I’m numb, but...I think it’s pretty bad.”

Sam whimpers quietly, asking tentatively, “Gabe?”

Gabriel smiles weakly. “ _Sammy._ Glad you’re okay, thought He’d come after you. Is Dean...”

I move slightly closer. “What the Hell happened to you, Gabriel? I thought Lucifer killed you.”

Gabriel sighs. “So did I. But I went up to Heaven, fully restored archangel. And this; well, I’ve been clearing your trail of witnesses, and... _Dad_ found out.”

Cas winces, murmuring, “ _Shit._ ”

Cas swallows, asking hesitantly, “What did he do?”

Gabriel grins, more of a grimace than a smile. “Confronted me about it, asked why I was, quote-unquote, ‘ _cleaning up the blood-monkeys’ messes._ ’ So I told Him the truth: you’re family, all of you. He was furious and shouted that if you were family, I should live _with_ you, _like_ you, and never talk to Him again. And then he threw me right through the floor. I landed next to the Impala, that’s how I knew you were here. Followed Sam’s voice, easy for me to pick out for some reason. Oh, and just for drama’s sake...”

Gabriel’s grin becomes wicked. “ _I searched the Universe_ —from Heaven to Hell, and Earth— _and I still haven't found your heterosexuality._ Any of you: Sammy, despite relationships; Dean and Cas, despite very strict assholes of a parent each.”

Cas blushes scarlet. Heat floods my cheeks, painting them a rosy red.

Sam sighs. “Okay, you are right about me. I’m bi, actually, and because of _you_...I can swing that way.”

“Bisexual? Interesting. Dean, you’re as red as a ripe cherry. Care to enlighten us, eh?’

I groan. _What if he’s creeped out? What if he doesn’t feel the same? Not in front if Cas!_ “How ‘bout...not now.”

Cas bites his lip shyly. “I’m an angel, I don’t _prefer_ one gender over another. Some girls, some _women_ , repel me as much as some men. _Usually_ men who pick fights all the time. Hunters are more tolerable, once their disbelief in my...angelic background wears off.”

I blink. "Bobby, Sammy and I would’ve killed you if we could when we met."

Cas chuckles. “You thought I was a demon then, and even if you _had_ killed the vessel, I’ve gone on without him; I don’t need him. Mistrust, a lack of faith, and disbelief lead the other Hunters to question me, but I wasn’t at all surprised by _your_ reaction. I was the first angel to walk the Earth in two thousand years, you were the first Hunter to _see_ an angel in more than two thousand years. I would’ve been more surprised if you _didn’t_ doubt me then, than if you _did_.”

I sigh. “What’s this gotta do with the original topic?”

Cas’ gaze falls from mine shyly as he awkwardly laces his fingers together, blushing scarlet. “ _You._ Gabe’s saying we love each other, it’s not far off base. Originally, when we met, I _could_ say I didn’t. Now...I may or may not have fallen for a certain Hunter who pushes everyone away for being hurt one to many times; closes himself off; can be a jerk sometimes, and quite cranky; thinks wanting _someone_ to sacrifice themselves for him the way he does for _everyone_ _he cares about_ is sick and selfish; never thinks he deserves anything; hates himself; and thinks he _deserves_ Alastair’s thirty year long torture for supposed wrongs he’s committed...and who never tells his little brother any of that, in the justification that he doesn’t _need_ anyone to share the burden of his troubles.”

Sam chokes. My cheeks are on fire.

“ _Dean!_ ” Sam exclaims. “Is that true?”

I groan, covering my face. “Damn it, Cas, have you been reading my mind?”

“No,” Cas answers shyly, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. “And yes, Sam, it’s true; that is the Dean below the surface who never greets you.”

Sam throws his arms around me, murmuring in a lightly joking voice, “You're the _bestest_ big brother, ever.”

His voice softens and he says seriously, “I love you.”

I take a deep breath, replying tensely, “Yeah, I love you, Sammy.”

Gabriel grimaces. “Cas, please don’t. I won’t get you in trouble, too. I can _heal_ at a normal, human rate.”

Sam turns, sliding his hands in his pockets. “Gabe, Cas is already in deep shit for telling Dean he loves him. Healing you won’t change much.”

Gabriel’s feeble protest gets quieter and quieter. He finally falls completely silent.

I close my eyes, ignoring the pounding of my heart and the feeling like something was off in Cas—an unusual _shyness_ , a _shifty uneasiness_.

Cas steps back and Gabriel lets out a long breath.

Sam throws his arms around Gabriel, holding him tightly. Gabriel chuckles, wrapping his arms weakly around Sam.

“I may joke about it,” he says gently, “but...I love you, Sam.”

Sam laughs a relieved laugh. “Yeah, I love your annoying, prankster self, too. ... _I missed you_.”

Gabriel pulls Sam onto the bed next to him, curling up against him. “Even if it sounds weird, could you just...hold me?”

Sam hugs Gabriel gently, rubbing gentle circles on his back until he falls asleep. “Um...Dean?”

I grin at him. “You got yourself in that mess, not my fault.”

Cas fidgets wordlessly. I glance at him, smiling warmly. He smiles shyly back.

Sam sighs. “ _Go,_ I’ll make sure no one does anything.”

I incline my head gratefully. “Make sure to lock the door behind us, and _no one_ touches my car.”

Sam nods slowly. “Yeah, I know.”

I tap the door. Luckily, it’s already cooled from Gabriel’s entrance. “Be careful, Sammy.”

“ _Always._ ” Sam smiles crookedly.

I roll my eyes. _Harry Potter again._ “You’re such a nerd.”

Sam laughs quietly. “ _Go,_ I’ll be fine.”

I grab Cas by his coat, pulling him out the door with me and shutting it with my foot, moving my grip to his hand and pulling him after me. Cas lets me pull him along, falling into step behind me.

After making it down to the other end of the empty parking lot, I slow to a stop and drop his hand.

Cas crosses his arms defensively, shifting his weight from foot to foot as if he wants to run the other way. “What?”

I close my eyes, taking deep breaths to slow my racing heart. I clear my dry throat, peeking at Cas’ nervous curiosity.

After my heart slows and my racing mind settles down, I open my eyes, shyly smiling at him.

Cas’ tensely crossed arms loosens somewhat under my smile. I glance towards Sam and Gabe in the motel room, trying to figure out how to properly word it so I don’t sound like a jerk. _Do I start with ‘how long have you known?’ or how do I break the tension?_

I release a pent-up breath, asking jerkily, “How...how long have you kn-known?”

Cas laughs shakily. “I don’t know. ...Looking back now, probably when I raised you out of Hell the second time. Not that I knew it at the time.”

I bite my lip. “When I ravaged Hell for a year to find you. That time, the things I saw... _it didn’t matter_ once I found you.”

Cas blinks. “Wait, what?”

“I haven’t said the words to anyone in seven or more years, what I said to Sam. Hell, not even to him. Now I feel like a jerk again.”

Cas freezes with wide eyes while processing my words. "You mean you...?"

“ _I love you, Cas._ That’s what I mean.”

Cas sucks in a startled breath, eyes widening innocently. “ _Oh._ ”

I pace back and forth, shaking.

Cas reaches out shyly, catching me by my shoulder and stopping me in my tracks. “Dean, calm down.”

I close my eyes, focusing on the tingling sensation radiating from his hand through me in waves. “I’m trying.”

For a couple silent minutes, Cas says nothing and I clench and  unclench my fists in a half-hearted attempt to calm down. I finally give in, throwing my arms tightly around Cas and breathing in his scent.

Cas, after jumping in surprise, gently envelopes me in his embrace. Warm and comforting, the small gesture calms me in half the time I would’ve taken on my own.

I slide my arms under his overcoat and rest my ear against his chest, the tension melting away.

Cas gently rubs circles on my back like Mom used to when I was younger to calm me. I can’t help but calm, my breathing and heart rate slowing.

I tighten my grip, murmuring, “Well, better late than never, right?”

Cas chuckles, and I hear as well as feel the vibrations of his deep-voiced laugh as he agrees, “Better late than never.”

“You ever get the feeling Sam’s been kinda waiting a long time for this?”

Cas laughs softly. “When he tried to force us out the door just now, yes.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, me too. I don’t know, I think part of it was he wanted time alone with Gabriel and the other was he wanted us to be alone for a few minutes.”

He smiles crookedly. “Either way, he got his wish.”

I laugh weakly. “Yeah, he did. Did you hear what the case is about?”

“Homophobic ghost? Interesting, certainly. Even more so now that we know Sam’s bi and by that definition, so are you. I don’t tend to prefer either gender, so...” He shrugs. “There’s a possibility that it’ll go after Sam and Gabe, and a possibility it’ll come after us if we go after it.”

“That sounds fun. A break in the norm.” I shake my head. “I don’t know, so much has happened in the last hour that a change of scenery would be nice. Especially knowing Sam’ll probably never stop teasing us.”

After a pause to consider how frustrated Sam could get, I muse, “And you get to sit shotgun.”

Cas kisses the top of my head gently. “Wouldn’t Sam refuse to allow that?”

I scoff. “Well, it’s not his car. And he’d get to sit next to Gabriel, so the chance of that is lessened somewhat.”

Cas rolls his eyes, still rubbing small circles on my back. “Granted, yes, but he’d still argue just to argue.”

I shrug. “Yeah, and logically I can counter him. So we gonna take the case, or no?”

Cas nods. “If you want to, I wouldn’t object. It sounds interesting.”

I grin, pulling away and offering my hand shyly. “Of course I want to take the case.”

Cas accepts my hand, lacing our fingers together and blushing a delicate shade of pink.

 _From now on, together because we want to be, not because it’s a necessity or need-be,_ I pray silently to him, knowing he’ll hear me. His eyes light up as it reaches him. “I know.”

I grin. “I can’t really get my mouth ‘round the words, but...yeah.”

Cas falls into step behind me as we head towards the motel room.


	2. Fell For A Certain Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reverse-opinion from Searched The Universe For Years. Cas' perspective. Some thoughts included from his perspective and very descriptive. (My mom always taught me to "show don't tell" and that's exactly what I do. Lots of imagery and fluff.) Shows Cas healing Gabriel when Gabriel protests (in Dean's perspective this is audio rather than visual). Cas knows how bad the injuries are, shows that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots and lots of fluff. Due to a positive response to the first part when it was unfinished (from Dean's perspective), just to where Gabriel stumbles in, I'm continuing to write. I love writing Cas' perspective!

_**~Castiel~** _

Dean grunts in a lack of interest as Sam scrolls through news cases.

“So, get this.” Sam spins his laptop around. “Lawrence, Kansas. Again. Except this time...”

“Let me guess,” Dean grumbles, his eyes lighting up in interest despite his tone. “Hellhounds, ghosts, shapeshifters, murderous fairies, and werewolves.”

Sam laughs. “Well, no. Homophobic ghost. This couple, Agatha and Abbey Blackwell—both women, notice—recently got married. Legalized in their state. Went out for their honeymoon in Lawrence—who’d honeymoon there?—and a couple weeks later, they showed up on their own doorstep all mangled and bloody— and _very_ dead. Then, a couple weeks after that, these two men—Adam and Kenneth Lawrence—also took their honeymoon there. Both couples came from a town up in Indiana—Bloomington—and had no alibi to make them a revenge target. Police are calling on the public to give them any details they need to close the case, they’re desperate.”

“Nice. Just your friendly, _murderously homophobic_ neighborhood ghost case. Ugh. What _is_ normal anymore? Don’t answer that.”

Leaning against the dresser and attempting to look only mildly interested in the discussion, I suddenly bolt upright and whirl towards the door, feeling the presence of an archangel. “Dean, we have company.”

Dean’s gaze snaps up and Sam shuts his laptop, the two standing warily together.

The door slams open with a golden flash and Gabriel stumbles into the room, bloody and scraped to all Hell. My eyes widen as I move back from him. “Dean, that’s my brother, Gabriel. It’s _really_ him.”

Gabriel trips over torn jeans, falling onto the floor. Sam hesitantly picks him up, lifting Gabriel onto his own bed and laying him down.

Gabriel groans, coughing blood onto his teeth. Ignoring my shaky breathing, I lightly touches my older brother’s hand. “Gabriel?”

“ _Cas,_ ” he breathes. “Thank Naomi I landed here. Dad literally _threw_ me down here. _Ow._ I’m numb, but...I think it’s pretty bad.”

Sam whines quietly, using his voice to tentatively reach out to my injured brother. “Gabe?”

Gabriel smiles weakly. “Sammy! Glad you’re okay, thought He’d come after you. Is Dean...”

Dean steps closer. “What the Hell happened to you, Gabriel? I thought Lucifer killed you.”

Gabriel sighs. “So did I. But I went up to Heaven, fully restored archangel. And this...well, I’ve been clearing your trail of witnesses, and Dad found out.”

 _If He found out about that, he certainly will hear about me and Dean. It’d endanger him._  “ _Shit._ ”

 Hesitantly, dreading the answer, I ask, “What did he do?”

Gabriel grins, more of a grimace than a smile. “Confronted me about it, asked why I was, quote-unquote, ‘ _cleaning up the blood-monkeys’ messes._ ’ So I told Him the truth: you’re family, _all of you_. He was furious and shouted that if you _were_ family, I should live with you, like you, and never talk to Him again. And then he threw me right through the floor. I landed next to the Impala, that’s how I knew you were here. Followed Sam’s voice, easy for me to pick out for some reason. Oh, and just for drama’s sake...”

Gabriel’s grin becomes wicked and Dean scowls before he even has a chance to speak. “ _I searched the Universe_ —from Heaven to Hell, and Earth— _and I still haven't found your heterosexuality._ Any of you: Sammy, despite relationships; Dean _and_ Cas, despite very strict assholes of a parent each.”

Heat floods my cheeks as Dean blushes a deep, ripe cherry red. Sam sighs, admitting, “Okay, you _are_ right about me. I’m bi, actually, and because of _you_...I can swing that way.”

“Bisexual? Interesting. Dean, you’re as red as a ripe cherry. Care to enlighten us, eh?’

He groans, glancing nervously towards me. “How ‘bout...not _now_.”

I bite my lip, closing my eyes. _Might as well, if I’m gonna go down anyway. He deserves to know._ “I’m an angel, I don’t _prefer_ one gender over another. Some girls, some _women_ , repel me as much as some men. _Usually_ men who pick fights all the time. Hunters are more tolerable, once their disbelief in my...angelic background wears off.”

Dean blinks, surprised. “Bobby, Sammy and I would’ve killed you if we could when we met.”

A laugh ripples through me. _But you didn’t._ “You thought I was a demon then, and even if you _had_ killed the vessel, I’ve gone on without him; I don’t _need_ him. Mistrust, a lack of faith, and disbelief lead the other Hunters to question me, but I wasn’t at all surprised by your reaction. I was the first angel to walk the Earth in two thousand years, you were the first Hunter to see an angel in more than two thousand years. I would’ve been more surprised if you _didn’t_ doubt me then, than if you _did_.”

He sighs impatiently. “What’s this gotta do with the original topic?”

I drop my eyes from his shyly, awkwardly lacing my fingers together. “ _You._ Gabe’s saying we love each other, it’s not far off base. Originally, when we met, I _could_ say I didn’t. Now...I may or may not have fallen for a certain Hunter who pushes everyone away for being hurt one to many times; closes himself off; can be a jerk sometimes, and quite cranky; thinks wanting _someone_ to sacrifice themselves for him the way he does for _everyone_ he cares about is sick and selfish; never thinks he deserves anything; hates himself; and thinks he deserves Alastair’s thirty year long torture for supposed wrongs he’s committed...and who _never_ tells his little brother any of that, in the justification that he doesn’t _need_ anyone to share the burden of his troubles.”

Sam chokes. Dean’s blush deepens infinitely as he realizes I mean _him_ to be the Hunter I love.

“ _Dean!_ ” Sam exclaims, glancing at me. “Is that true?”

Dean groans, burying his face in his hands. “Damn it, Cas! _Have you been reading my mind?_ ”

“No,” I answer honestly. “And yes, Sam, it’s true; that is the Dean _below_ the surface who never greets you.”

Sam throws his arms around Dean, murmuring in a lightly joking voice, “You're the _bestest_ big brother, ever.”

Sam’s voice softens and he says seriously, “I love you.”

Dean takes a deep breath, replying nervously, “Yeah, I love you, Sammy.”

I gently rest my hand on his forehead, repairing the damage: broken ribs, punctured lung, broken legs, many scrapes and bruises. Worse than a human would get falling off a farm building, but far less than a human would get falling so far—a human would die.

Gabriel grimaces, protesting weakly, “Cas, please don’t. I _won’t_ get you in trouble, too. I can heal at a normal, human rate.”

Sam turns towards us, sliding his hands in his jeans pockets. “Gabe, Cas is already in deep shit for telling Dean he loves him. Healing you won’t change much.”

Gabriel’s feeble protest gets quieter and quieter as I heal the damage. He finally falls completely silent.

Dean closes his eyes, swallowing. I step back, finished, and Gabriel lets out a long breath. Sam throws his arms around Gabriel, holding him tightly.

Gabriel chuckles, wrapping his arms weakly around Sam. “I may joke about it,” he says tenderly, “but...I love you, Sam.”

Sam laughs, relieved. “Yeah, I love your annoying, prankster self, too. ...I missed you.”

Gabriel pulls Sam onto the bed next to him in a flash, curling up against him. “Even if it sounds weird, could you just...hold me?”

Sam hugs Gabriel gently, rubbing gentle circles on his back until he falls asleep. He looks up, realizing he’s asleep and pleading, “Um...Dean?”

Dean grins at him, ruffling his hair. “ _You_ got yourself in that mess, not my fault.”

I fidget wordlessly. _What do I say? How am I supposed to say I love him directly?_

Dean glances at me when I move, smiling warmly. I smile shyly back, heart pounding and skipping a single beat.

Sam sighs, relaxing against Gabriel. “Go, I’ll make sure no one does anything.”

Dean nods his head gratefully. “Make sure to lock the door behind us, and _no one_ touches my car.”

Sam nods slowly. “Yeah, I know.”

Dean taps the door before pulling it back open. “Be careful, Sammy.”

“ _Always._ ” Sam smiles crookedly.

Dean rolls his eyes, mouthing,  ' _Harry Potter_ _again._ ' “You’re such a nerd.”

Sam laughs quietly as I run a hand over my hair. _I got that reference._ “ _Go_ , I’ll be fine.”

Dean grabs my coat, pulling me out the door with him, shutting it with his foot, and moving his grip to my hand to pull me after him. I let him pull me along with him, falling into step behind his quick stride.

After we make it to the other end of the parking lot, he slows to a stop and drops my hand self-consciously. I cross my arms defensively, shifting my weight from foot to foot and refusing to run like I want to. “What?”

Dean closes his eyes, taking deep breaths and clearing his dry throat, peeking at me nervously.

After a minute or so, his eyes open and he smiles shyly at me. My nervousness eases somewhat under Dean’s shy, tender smile. He glances towards Sam and Gabe in the motel room, frowning and swaying from foot to foot. He release a long breath, asking clumsily, “How...how long have you kn-known?”

I laugh shakily, sweeping my arms wide in a gesture of surrender. “I don’t know. Looking back now, probably when I raised you out of Hell the second time. Not that I knew it at the time.”

Dean bites his lip hard enough to draw blood. “When I ravaged Hell for a year to find you. That time, the things I saw...it didn’t matter once I found you.”

I blink, bewildered. _In Hell? It didn’t matter that you saw those things when you found me?_ “Wait, what?”

Dean bounces on the balls of his feet, groaning. “I haven’t said the words to anyone in seven or more years, what I said to Sam. Hell, not even to him. Now I feel like a jerk.”

I freeze, my brain racing to process what he means. “You mean you...?”

“ _I love you,_ Cas. _That’s_ what I mean.”

It hits me. My eyes widen. _You love me? But I don’t...deserve to be loved._  “ _Oh._ ”

He paces back and forth, shaking from head to toe. I reach out warily, catching him by the shoulder and stopping him mid-aggravated-pacing. “Dean, calm down.”

His eyes close, voice trembling as he whispers hoarsely, “ _I’m trying._ ”

For a couple silent minutes, Dean says nothing and just clenches and  unclenches his fists in a half-hearted attempt to calm down. Dean seems to give in, throwing his arms tightly around me and breathing in deeply. Startled, I gently envelope Dean in my arms.

Dean’s arms slide under my coat and he rests his ear against my chest, tension melting away like butter in a frying pan.

I gently rub circles on his back like a beautiful young woman in his memory—with blonde hair and Dean’s green eyes—used to when he was much younger. Dean quickly calms, breathing steadying and heart rate slowing to a more normal rate.

Dean tightens his grip on me, murmuring, “Well, better late than never, right?”

I laugh, agreeing easily, “Better late than never.”

Dean frowns. “You ever get the feeling Sam’s been kinda waiting a long time...for this?”

I laugh quietly. “When he tried to force us out the door just now, yes.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, me too. I don’t know, I think part of it was _he_ wanted time alone with _Gabriel_ and the other was he wanted _us_ to be alone for a few minutes.”

I smile lopsidedly. “Either way, he got his wish.”

Dean laugh weakly. “Yeah, he did. Did you hear what the case is about?”

“Homophobic ghost? Interesting, certainly. Even more so now that we know Sam’s bisexual and by that definition, so are you. I don’t tend to prefer either gender, so...” I shrug. _It could go after any of us. It’d be interesting to see who it goes after first._ “There’s a possibility that it’ll go after Sam and Gabe, and a possibility it’ll come after _us_ if we go after it.”

“That sounds _fun_. A break in the norm.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, so much has happened in the last hour that a change of scenery would be nice. Especially knowing Sam’ll probably _never_ stop teasing us.”

After a pause, Dean insists, “And _you_ get to sit shotgun.”

I kiss the top of his head softly. “Wouldn’t Sam refuse to allow that?”

Dean scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Well, it’s not _his_ car. And he’d get to sit next to Gabriel, so the chance of that is lessened somewhat.”

I roll my eyes, amused. “Granted, yes, but he’d still argue just to argue.”

Dean shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah, and logically I can counter him. So we gonna take the case, or no?”

I nod. _Sounds like you want to._ “If you want to, I wouldn’t object. It sounds interesting.”

Dean grins, dropping the hug and offering me his hand shyly. “Of course I want to take the case.”

I accept his hand—a more subtle offer of friendship—and lace our fingers together, heat flooding my cheeks.

 _From now on, together because we want to be, not because it’s a necessity or need-be,_ Dean pray silently, knowing I’ll hear him. I almost laugh. “I know.”

Dean grins. “I can’t really get my mouth ‘round the words, but...yeah.”

Dean falls into step beside me as we head towards the motel room, more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him.


	3. A Dramatic Entrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's perspective of what went down. Starts similarly to Dean & Cas, but splits off when they leave the room. He talks to Gabriel and is worried about him and everything. So much Gabriel fluff here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If something's italicized but has no quotation marks, it's the way I show thoughts-whoever's perspective it is, that's what they think of the events going on and how they react to it directly. Lots of fluff, anticipating writing Gabriel's perspective (which'll be really fun, with all that's going on here)! Hope you enjoy.

**_~Sam~_ **

‘ _Homophobic Murderer Strikes Down Lesbian and Gay Couples On Honeymoon. Police Searching For Help, Baffled As To How Murder Took Place._ ’

I blink, clicking on the article and scanning it quickly. _Lawrence, Kansas! This could be interesting._

“So, get this.” I spin the laptop around with the article up. “Lawrence, Kansas. Again. Except this time...”

“Let me guess,” Dean grumbles. “Hellhounds, ghosts, shapeshifters, murderous fairies, and werewolves.”

I laugh at his reaction, answering, “Well, no. Homophobic ghost. This couple, Agatha and Abbey Blackwell—both women, notice—recently got married. Legalized in their state. Went out for their honeymoon in Lawrence—who’d honeymoon there?—and a couple weeks later, they showed up on their own doorstep all mangled and bloody— and _very_ dead. Then, a couple weeks after that, these two men—Adam and Kenneth Lawrence—also took their honeymoon there. Both couples came from a town up in Indiana—Bloomington—and had no alibi to make them a revenge target. Police are calling on the public to give them any details they need to close the case, they’re desperate.”

“Nice. Just your friendly, _murderously homophobic_ neighborhood ghost case. Ugh. What is _normal_ anymore? Don’t answer that.”

Cas suddenly bolts upright and whirls towards the door. “Dean, we have company.”

Dean’s gaze snaps up and I shut the laptop. Dean and I stand up warily.

The door slams open—slamming right into the wall—with a golden flash and Gabriel stumbles into the room, bloody and scraped to all Hell.

Cas’ eyes widen. “Dean, that’s my brother, Gabriel. It’s _really_ him.”

Gabriel trips over torn jeans, falling gracefully onto the floor. I tentatively pick him up, lifting him onto my bed.

Gabriel groans, coughing a few times. Cas, breathing shakily, lightly touches his brother’s hand. “Gabriel?”

“ _Cas,_ ” Gabriel breathes. “Thank Naomi I landed here. Dad literally _threw_ me down here. Ow. I’m numb, but...I think it’s pretty bad.”

I ask tentatively, “ _Gabe?_ ”

Gabriel smiles weakly, studying me. “ _Sammy._ Glad you’re okay, thought He’d come after you. Is Dean...”

Dean move a step closer, frowning. “What the Hell happened to you, Gabriel? I thought Lucifer killed you.”

Gabriel sighs. “ _So did I._ But I went up to Heaven, fully restored archangel. And this...well, I’ve been clearing your trail of witnesses, and Dad found out.”

Cas winces, muttering something under his breath. Dean frowns at him, clearly hearing what he said.

Cas swallows dryly and asks hesitantly, “What did he do?”

Gabriel smirks, more of a grimace than a smile. “Confronted me about it, asked why I was, quote-unquote, ‘ _cleaning up the blood-monkeys’ messes._ ’ So I told Him the truth: you’re family, _all_ of you. He was furious and shouted that if you were family, I should live _with_ you, _like_ you, and _never talk to Him again_. And then he threw me right through the floor. I landed next to the Impala, that’s how I knew you were here. Followed Sam’s voice, easy for me to pick out for some reason. Oh, and just for drama’s sake...”

Gabriel’s grin becomes wicked and far more natural. “ _I searched the Universe_ —from Heaven to Hell, and Earth— _and I still haven't found your heterosexuality._ Any of you: Sammy, despite relationships; Dean _and_ Cas, despite very strict assholes of a parent each.”

Cas blushes scarlet. Dean’s cheeks turn dark red. I sigh exasperatedly, telling him, “Okay, you _are_ right about me. I’m bi, actually, and because of _you_...I can swing that way.”

Gabriel chuckles. “Bisexual? Interesting. Dean, you’re as red as a ripe cherry. Care to enlighten us, eh?”

Dean groans, glancing nervously at Cas. “How ‘bout...not _now_.”

Cas bites his lip shyly. “I’m an angel, I don’t _prefer_ one gender over another. Some girls, some _women_ , repel me as much as some men. _Usually_ men who pick fights all the time. Hunters are more tolerable, once their disbelief in my... _angelic_ background wears off.”

Dean blinks. “Bobby, Sammy and I would’ve killed you if we could when we met.”

Cas chuckles. “You thought I was a demon then, and even if you _had_ killed the vessel, I’ve gone on without him; I don’t _need_ him. Mistrust, a lack of faith, and disbelief lead the other Hunters to question me, but I wasn’t at all surprised by your reaction. I was the first angel to walk the Earth in two thousand years, you were the first Hunter to see an angel in more than two thousand years. I would’ve been more surprised if you _didn’t_ doubt me then, than if you _did_.”

Dean sighs impatiently. “What’s this gotta do with the original topic?”

Cas’ gaze falls from Dean’s shyly as he awkwardly laces his fingers together, blushing scarlet. “ _You._ Gabe’s saying we love each other, it’s not far off base. Originally, when we met, I _could_ say I didn’t. Now...I may or may not have fallen for a certain Hunter who pushes everyone away for being hurt one to many times; closes himself off; can be a jerk sometimes, and quite cranky; thinks wanting _someone_ to sacrifice themselves for him the way he does for _everyone_ he cares about is sick and selfish; never thinks he deserves anything; hates himself; and thinks he deserves Alastair’s thirty year long torture for supposed wrongs he’s committed...and who _never_ tells his little brother any of that, in the justification that he doesn’t _need_ anyone to share the burden of his troubles.”

I choke. Dean blushes scarlet, biting his lip.

“ _Dean!_ ” I exclaim in surprise. “Is that true?”

Dean groans, burying his face in his hands. “Damn it, Cas, have you been reading my mind?”

“No,” Cas answers shyly, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. “And yes, Sam, it’s true; that is the Dean _below_ _the surface_ who never greets you.”

I throw my arms around Dean tightly, teasing, “You’re the _bestest_ big brother, ever.”

My voice softens as I murmur seriously, “I love you.”

Dean breathes deeply, replying warily, “Yeah, I love you, Sammy.”

Gabriel grimaces. “Cas, please don’t. I won’t get you in trouble, too. I can heal at a normal, human rate.”

I turn towards him, sliding my hands in my pockets. “Gabe, Cas is _already_ in deep shit for telling Dean he loves him. Healing you...won’t change much.”

Gabriel’s feeble protest gets quieter and quieter until he’s silent, just frowning grumpily and looking the other way.

Dean shuts his eyes. Cas steps back and Gabriel lets out a long sigh of relief.

I throw his arms around Gabriel, holding him to me tightly. Gabriel chuckles, wrapping his arms weakly around me and sighing. “I may joke about it,” Gabriel insists gently, “but...I love you, Sam.”

I laugh, relief washing over me. “Yeah, I love your annoying, prankster self, too. _...I missed you._ ”

Gabriel pulls me onto the bed next to him, curling up against me warmly. “Even if it sounds _weird_ , could you just...hold me?”

I hug Gabriel gently, rubbing gentle circles on his back until he falls asleep. I look up, frowning. “Um...Dean?”

Dean grins teasingly at me. “ _You_ got yourself in that mess, not my fault.”

Cas fidgets mutely, at a loss for words. Dean glances at him quickly, smiling warmly. Cas smiles shyly back. I catch the look between the two. “Go, I’ll make sure no one does anything.”

Dean nods gratefully. “Make sure to lock the door behind us, and no one _touches_ my car.”

I nod slowly. _Obviously no one touches your car._ “Yeah, I know.”

Dean taps the door before pulling it open. “Be _careful_ , Sammy.”

“ _Always._ ” I smirk at Dean.

He rolls his eyes, getting the Harry Potter reference.“You’re such a fucking nerd.”

I laugh softly. “ _Go_ , I’ll be fine.”

Dean grabs Cas by the front of his coat, pulling him out the door with him and shutting it behind them with his foot. Cas lets Dean pull him along, falling into step behind him.

Gabriel stirs slightly, shuddering. I pull him closer, hushing him gently.

After a few minutes’ silence, he wakes up with a gasp and wraps his arms around me so tightly it hurts somewhat.

I frown, nudging him gently with my hand. “Gabe?”

He blinks, the glaze on his eyes fading as his grip loosens. He breathes in relief, “ _Sam._ ”

“You okay?”

“It’s just...” Gabriel swallows. “Dad sort of _forced me_ to watch all of you die. I don’t know. That was extremely disturbing. Are Cas and Dean okay?”

I shrug. “I’d know if they weren’t. They’re just within sight across the parking lot, hugging each other. Cas is kinda awkward and Dean is tense as ever, but they’re fine.”

Gabriel yawns, closing his eyes. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You’re the one who sacrificed yourself to Lucifer for us. We should be thanking you, not the other way around.” I laugh quietly. “You brought laughter into our life when there was none left. Why do you think I fell for you?”

Gabriel blushes scarlet. “You did far more for me than I’ve ever done for anyone. You taught me emotion, you taught me what love and worry and fear and sacrifice is. Why do you think I sacrificed myself, knowing Lucifer was likely to kill me? Why do you think I fell?”

 I grin, tightening my embrace on him. “Good point.”

Gabriel squeezes his eyes shut, resting his forehead on my shoulder. “I still can’t get it out of my head.”

I smile mischievously. “Oh?”

Gabriel frowns, peeking at me. “What? He made it to be stuck in my head.”

“Think of something else, then.”

He shakes my head. “I don’t know _how_. He’s using that.”

I gently tip his head back and press my lips to his. His eyes shut and he relaxes, his pounding heart slowing under my hand. Euphoria sweeps through me, causing my head to spin.

I slowly pull away, studying his wide eyes with satisfaction as he whispers, “ _Oh._ ”

I grin, moving my hand off his heart and back around him. “Better?”

Gabriel breathes out slowly, mouth slightly open. “I-I...wh-what...”

_I just rendered an archangel speechless. Bucket list checked off without ever being written._

He stumbles his way through his words, managing after several attempts to say, “Wh-what did you...?”

I laugh quietly, rubbing gentle circles on his back. “If none of the memories you have work to get your mind off something, make a new one. It works best with kissing or holding hands with people.”

Gabriel gently weaves his fingers through mine, breathless and speechless. “O-okay?”

I squeeze his hand, smiling crookedly. “I love you, Gabriel.”

Gabriel’s eyes light up. “I love you, Sam.”

“I know,” I murmur—referencing Star Wars _and_ replying to him—quietly, closing my eyes trustingly and resting my forehead on his.


	4. Father's Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's perspective of what went down. Includes discussion of God. Lots of fluff. Funny and adorable at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Won't spoil the end, but there's a kiss and it's really funny to see Gabriel's reaction to it. There's also a really, really scary dream. Not joking there, it's terrifying--mostly for Gabriel. (He will eventually admit to Sam what he saw and Sam will comfort him, along with Dean and Cas.) Hope you enjoy!
> 
> The dream is violent, I know: It's basically Gabriel's father making a point...in a sick way...and terrifying Gabriel. Sam, Dean, and Cas die in the dream, it's the point God is making here, but they're not dead in the actual story, just the dream within the story.

Dean’s voice echoes from the other side of the door, “What is _normal_ anymore? Don’t answer that.”

Cas’ voice echoes as I approach, “Dean, we have company.”

I stumble up to the door, touching it with one bloody hand. The door slams open—slamming right into the wall—with a golden flash and I stumble, exhausted, into the room. The blood fades off the door as it glows, leaving it clean again.

Cas’ eyes widen and he moves out of my way. “Dean, that’s my brother, Gabriel. It’s _really_ him.”

I trip over torn, bloody jeans that used to be a light camouflage green, falling onto the floor face-first. Sam picks me up carefully, laying me down on one of the two beds in the room and turning to Cas.

I groan weakly, coughing up more blood. Cas, breathing shakily, carefully touches my hand, asking in a voice full of worry, “Gabriel?”

“ _Cas,_ ” I breathe in relief. “Thank Naomi I landed here. Dad _literally_ threw me down here. _Ow._ I’m numb, but...I _think_ it’s pretty bad.”

Tentatively, as if he’s scared of how I’ll answer, Sam asks, “Gabe? ”

I smile weakly, studying his unharmed form. “ _Sammy._ Glad you’re okay, thought He’d come after you. Is Dean...”

Dean moves closer, frowning at me. “What the Hell happened to you, Gabriel? I thought Lucifer killed you.”

I sigh resignedly. “ _So did I._ But I went up to Heaven, fully restored archangel. And this...well, I’ve been clearing your trail of witnesses, and Dad found out.”

Cas winces, muttering under his breath, “ _Shit._ ”  Dean frowns at him, clearly having heard what he said.

Cas swallows dryly and asks hesitantly, “What did he do?”

I smirk, attempting to look confident despite the pain. “Confronted me about it, asked why I was, quote-unquote, ‘ _cleaning up the blood-monkeys’ messes._ ’ So I told Him the truth: you’re family, _all of you_. He was furious and shouted that if you were family, I should live with you, like you, and never talk to Him again. And then he threw me right through the floor. I landed next to the Impala, that’s how I knew you were here. Followed Sam’s voice, easy for me to pick out for some reason. Oh, and just for drama’s sake...”

I grin wickedly, a much more natural smile. “ _I searched the Universe_ —from Heaven to Hell, and Earth— _and I still haven't found your heterosexuality._ Any of you: Sammy, despite relationships; Dean _and_ Cas, despite very strict assholes of a parent each.”

Cas blushes scarlet. Dean’s cheeks turn dark red. Sam sighs resignedly, confessing, “Okay, you _are_ right about me. I’m bi, actually, and because of _you_...I can swing that way.”

I chuckle, ignoring the curiosity waving over me. _Because of me?_ “Bisexual? Interesting. Dean, you’re as red as a ripe cherry. Care to enlighten us, eh?”

Dean groans, glancing nervously at Cas and dropping his gaze. “How ‘bout...not _now_.”

Cas bites his lip shyly, grinning at me. “I’m an angel, I don’t _prefer_ one gender over another. Some girls, some _women_ , repel me as much as some men. _Usually_ men who pick fights all the time. Hunters are more tolerable, once their disbelief in my... _angelic_ background wears off.”

Dean blinks. “Bobby, Sammy and I would’ve killed you if we could when we met.”

Cas chuckles. “You thought I was a demon then, and even if you _had_ killed the vessel, I’ve gone on without him; I don’t _need_ him. Mistrust, a lack of faith, and disbelief lead the other Hunters to question me, but I wasn’t at all surprised by your reaction. I was the first angel to walk the Earth in two thousand years, you were the first Hunter to see an angel in more than two thousand years. I would’ve been more surprised if you _didn’t_ doubt me then, than if you _did_.”

Dean sighs impatiently. “What’s this gotta do with the _original_ topic?”

Cas’ gaze falls from Dean’s shyly as he awkwardly laces his fingers together, blushing scarlet. “ _You._ Gabe’s saying we love each other, it’s not far off base. Originally, when we met, I _could_ say I didn’t. Now...I may or may not have fallen for a certain Hunter who pushes everyone away for being hurt one to many times; closes himself off; can be a jerk sometimes, and quite cranky; thinks wanting _someone_ to sacrifice themselves for him the way he does for _everyone_ he cares about is sick and selfish; never thinks he deserves anything; hates himself; and thinks he deserves Alastair’s thirty year long torture for supposed wrongs he’s committed...and who _never_ tells his little brother any of that, in the justification that he doesn’t _need_ anyone to share the burden of his troubles.”

Sam chokes, surprise flitting across his face. Dean blushes scarlet, biting his lip.

“ _Dean!_ ” Sam exclaims critically. “Is that true?”

Dean groans, burying his face in his hands. “Damn it, Cas, have you been reading my mind?”

“No,” Cas answers shyly, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. “And yes, Sam, it’s true; that is the Dean _below_ the surface who never greets you.”

Sam throws his arms around Dean tightly, teasing, “You’re the _bestest_ big brother, ever.”

His voice softens as he murmurs seriously, “I love you.”

Dean breathes deeply, replying warily, “Yeah, I love you, Sammy.”

Cas lightly touches my forehead and the wounds begin to heal. Despite the relief and gratefulness, I insist with a grimace, “Cas, please don’t. I won’t get _you_ in trouble, too. I can heal at a normal, human rate.”

Sam turns towards me, sliding his hands in his jeans pockets. “Gabe, Cas is already in _deep shit_ for telling Dean he loves him. Healing you...won’t change much.”

I frown, but my protest ‘ _peters out_ ’, as I’ve heard humans describe it.

Dean shuts his eyes. Cas steps back and I sigh in relief.

Sam immediately throws his arms around me, holding me tightly. I chuckle weakly, wrapping my arms around him and sighing. “I may joke about it,” I tell him gently, “but...I love you, Sam.”

Sam laughs in relief. “Yeah, I love your annoying, prankster self, too. _...I missed you._ ”

I grab his right hand and topple him onto the bed next to me, curling up against him. “Even if it sounds weird, could you just...hold me?”

He hugs me gently, rubbing gentle circles on my back until I fade to sleep.

 

My father’s voice echoes just before I sink to sleep, _“This is what you get for choosing the mortals over your own father.”_

 

_I blink awake, laying on the ground in a dark forest._

_I roll to my feet, looking around. Dean shouts my name (“Damn it, Gabriel, where are you?”) and I appear at his side, shielding him from the Hellhound leaping at him and getting a nasty bite in the process._

_I gasp and throw it off, looking around in a slight panic. Cas falls under a Hellhound and a Leviathan working together with a shout._

_I appear at his side, yanking off the Leviathan and throwing it into a tree. The Hellhound goes flying and hits the tree, crushing the Leviathan to dust. “A bit late, don’t you think? We’ve been waiting for you for hours!”_

_I wince, stepping away from Cas and his anger. “Would you defy Father’s orders? I had to fight a pack of Hellhounds attacking an innocent village, okay? Would you rather those children die?”_

_Cas snarls and smacks a Hellhound so hard it flies a good fifty feet into a tree, stunning it. “I would rather Dean not be in so much danger!”_

_I flinch, looking around for Sam. “Where’s Sam?”_

_“A Hellhound dragged him off somewhere, Dean’s been trying to fight his way to him. Take Dean and go, I’ve got this!”_

_I grab Dean’s arm and reappear in front of Sam, slamming a knife into the Hellhound and grimacing as pain spikes through my arm from the Hellhound bites all over me._

_Dean shakes me off, throwing himself into battle and quickly getting ripped to shreds._

_I flinch, breath coming in swift bursts. I turn and Sam takes my hand, getting to his feet, and coughs up blood._

_“Gabe,” he whispers weakly. “I knew you’d come. I told them to wait a bit longer.”_

_I shiver, wrapping my arms around him and carrying him to a tree, leaning him on it. “Cas is furious.”_

_“Yeah, I know. Dean was furious when he couldn’t come after me. I’m more patient.”_

_“I noticed.” I glance around. “Shit. Dean’s gone. Now he’s going to kill me, for sure.”_

_Sam laughs weakly, smiling at me. “I’m not gonna make it. I’m sorry. I love you, Gabriel. So much.”_

_Sam’s eyes flutter shut and panic washes through me. I kneel at his side, insisting, “Nononononononononono. Sam, damn it, no!”_

_Cas appears and drags me to my feet. “Where’s Dean?”_

_I step back. “You’d never believe me. Not anymore. I. Don’t. Know. I looked up and he was gone. And Sam...Dean’ll be furious.”_

_Cas glances at Sam’s limp form. “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t’ve tried to take on all the packs at once, Sam and Dean would have a chance of both being alive.”_

_His quiet disappointment hurts more than if he screamed at me. “I...Cas, please. I never wanted this.”_

_“Yeah, well, neither did I. Join the club.”_

_I blink back tears, falling down to the ground. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. Dad orders us around like children, I can’t do it anymore. Damn it, I love Sam. I can’t lose him. I can’t lose Dean, I’d lose Sam in losing him. Shit.”_

_“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before,” Cas hisses in a voice cold as ice. Tears blur my vision and as I blink them away, a Leviathan hits Cas and tears his head off, vanishing._

I stir slightly, shuddering. Sam pulls me closer, hushing me gently and half breaking me out of the dream.

_Hopelessness overwhelms me and all my will to fight vanishes. I close my eyes, waiting as a Hellhound bounds towards me to be enveloped in blackness._

_It tears off Sam’s head and then slams into me, and everything goes black once and for all._

I wake up with a gasp and wraps my arms around Sam tightly.

Sam frowns and nudges me gently with his left hand, worry filling his voice. “Gabe? Hey, Gabe?”

I blink, his voice drawing me back from the land of nightmares. Relieved, I breathe, “ _Sam._ ”

Sam frowns, concern wrinkling his face. “You okay?”

“It’s just...” I swallow hard, pushing away the images of Cas—with his head on the ground, Dean—in shreds all over the forest floor, and Sam—head lolling in death just before I died. “Dad sort of forced me to watch all of you die. I don’t know. That was _extremely_ disturbing. Are Cas and Dean okay?”

Sam shrugs casually. “I’d know if they weren’t. They’re just within sight across the parking lot, hugging each other. Cas is kinda awkward and Dean is tense as ever, but they’re fine.”

_Oh, thank Naomi. It really was just a dream. This isn’t Heaven or anything. Oh...that was terrifying._

I yawn, closing my eyes contentedly. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You’re the one who sacrificed yourself _to Lucifer_ for _us_. We should be thanking you, not the other way around.” Sam laughs under his breath. “You brought _laughter_ into our life when there was none left. Why do you think I fell for you?”

Heat floods my cheeks and a new emotion—embarrassment—sweeps through me. “You did _far_ more for me than I’ve ever done for anyone. _You taught me emotion_ , you taught me what love and worry and fear and sacrifice is. Why do you think I sacrificed myself, _knowing_ Lucifer was likely to kill me? Why do you think I fell?”

 Sam tightens his embrace, a faint blush touching his cheeks. “Good point.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, resting my forehead on Sam’s shoulder. The image of Sam, Dean, and Cas lying dead flashes through my mind again. “I still can’t get it out of my head.”

Sam grins, asking in a skeptical voice, “Oh?”

I frown, peeking at his smirk. “What? He _made it_ to be stuck in my head.”

Sam smiles warmly. “Think of something else, then.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know _how_. He’s using that.”

Sam gently tips my head back and press his lips to mine. My eyes shut and my body relaxes, pounding heart slowing under Sam’s gentle  hand.  A surprised excitement sweeps through me, causing my head to spin pleasurably.

The image fades from my mind, replaced by the thousand sensations of the moment.

Sam slowly pulls away, studying my wide eyes with satisfaction. I whisper hoarsely, “ _Oh._ ”

He grins, moving his hand off my heart and back around me. “Better?”

I breathe out slowly, startled. “I-I...wh-what...”

It takes me several attempts to form a coherent word. Sam waits patiently, eyes alight.

I take a deep breath and try again. “Wh-what did you...?”

Sam laughs quietly, rubbing gentle circles on my back. “If none of the memories you have work to get your mind off something, make a new one. It works best with kissing or holding hands with people.”

I gently weave our fingers together, both breathless and speechless for the first time in my existence. “O-okay?”

Sam squeezes my hand comfortingly, smiling crookedly as he murmurs, “I love you, Gabriel.”

I grin, answering breathlessly, “I love you, Sam.”

“I know,” Sam murmurs quietly, closing his eyes trustingly and resting his forehead on mine.

_I wish I could relax more than this. I wish I never saw that. I wish many things—but I don’t wish I didn’t love Sam or that he didn’t love me._

I swallow, pushing the thought away and focusing on the sensation of Sam’s hand on mine and the warmth and the closeness of our bodies. I easily relax, the memory fading to just that—a memory.


	5. Drawings of Terror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel starts drawing what he saw in the dream his Father put him through. Sam asks about it, worried (they're the scenes of death and violence). Gabriel can't find the words, he writes it down. Sam is horrified, shows Dean and Cas (also horrified). Fluff and love and friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This does have a bit more violence than most. The dream was violent to make a point to Gabriel that he's attached and losing Sam, Dean, and Cas would break him, so it's violent. Gabriel, for the purpose of this, is a very vivid and realistic artist.

“Wow, that’s really realistic. And a little disturbing, to say the least.”

I look up at Sam, opening my mouth to explain. No words come out and Sam seems to realize something’s seriously wrong. Softly, he asks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

I shake my head and flip the page, writing, ‘ _I can’t say it out loud. I can’t even start._ ’

Sam frowns, flipping to the drawing and studying it. “Wait a second. Is that Cas? And Dean?”

I bury my face in my hands, shuddering and pushing the images away again. Bile rises and I swallow just before it reaches my mouth, gagging. I finally manage one, strained word: “ _Yes._ ”

Sam picks it up, eyebrows furrowed. “But everyone’s dead. Dean’s in shreds. _Ew._ Cas is beheaded. There’s blood everywhere. What the Hell?”

Cas stands, studying the picture. He goes pale, nearly dropping it. His hands start to shake.

Dean studies it and his eyes widen. “Wait, something’s missing. There’s a _living_ Hellhound and a Leviathan. The Hell is this? Some messed up future?”

I groan, shaking my head. I finally raise my gaze, managing to answer in a strained voice, “I hope not. I don’t know. I can’t really explain it.”

Sam frowns. “Gabe, you okay?”

The only word that comes to me drops out of my mouth easily: “No.”

Sam’s frown deepens. “Can you explain in pictures?”

He hands me the pad of drawing paper.

I pick up the pencil, turn to a blank page, and my hand moves across the page. The forest I first saw begins to come to life, a tree here and a fern there.

After several minutes, I complete the scene with a bloody hand in the corner—the only thing I saw of myself.

Sam’s concern worsens. “What’s that?”

I clear my throat, taking a deep breath to keep the bile down. “The only thing I could see of myself. Very first thing I saw.”

“Who’s talking?”

I glance at the speech bubble: _This is what you get for choosing the mortals over your own father._

I shiver. “My father, God. That’s what I heard just before...all that.”

Cas gasps. “Oh. _Shit._ He didn’t...?”

I nod to Cas. “Yeah.”

Cas goes pale as a sheet. Dean frowns at him, bewildered by the sudden understanding that had sprung up between the two of us. “Cas?”

Cas shudders and glances at Dean. “It’s something I’ve only heard in stories. It’s his version of discipline: showing fallen angels and archangels horrible scenes in which their loved ones die and they usually, at the end, give up hope and die as well. The loved ones tend to be disappointed in them. They wake up when they die in the dream, and they either die fighting or die because they gave up.”

I shudder, biting my lip hard enough to draw blood. “I gave up.”

“Why? What happened?” Cas’ interest fuels me, my reluctance fading slightly.

I shiver and turn the page, drawing the second scene as I saw it: Dean behind me, the Hellhound flinging off my bite-covered arm, and another speech bubble: _Damn it, Gabriel, where are you?_

I take a deep breath and lift the pencil. Dean’s eyes go wide. “I’ve said that to you before.”

“Well, it was you talking.” I blink, surprised I was able to say it. “Calling for me to come.”

Dean frowns. “Hellhounds?”

I close my eyes. “ _Every pack_ of Hellhounds. Unleashed by Lilith, as far as I can tell. No one said.”

Cas flinches. “So we died. All of us.”

I shrug. “You could say that. It was much, much worse than that.”

I turn the page, drawing the next scene: A Hellhound and a Leviathan on top of Cas and him mid-fall.

Cas makes a sound that I don’t recognize, something like a squeak of fear. “A Hellhound _and_ a Leviathan?”

“Exactly.” I finish off, drawing another speech bubble: _Dean!_

Dean frowns. “Cas. He was calling, wasn’t he?”

I shudder and turn the page, continuing the story: The Leviathan hits the tree and the Hellhound hits the Leviathan, turning it to dust. A speech bubble again: _A bit late, don’t you think? We’ve been waiting for you for hours!_

Cas blinks. “Oh. So...like the legend says. We were all disappointed.”

“Well, not all of you. That’s not the disturbing part, I’m getting there. No one’s dead yet.”

Cas frowns. I flip the page and continue: One half of the picture slightly blurry from me wincing, the other half blurry from movement as I flinched back. Another speech bubble, me this time: _Would you defy Father’s orders? I had to fight a pack of Hellhounds attacking an innocent village, okay? Would you rather those children die?_

Sam frowns, glancing at Cas. “What the Hell?”

“That was me,” I say softly. “Answering Cas.”

I flip the page, continuing. _It’s easier once I’ve started to keep going._ Cas smacks a Hellhound so hard it flies a good fifty feet into a tree, stunned. Speech bubble in the corner: _I would rather Dean not be in so much danger!_

Cas blinks. “Okay, that’s true. Somewhat.”

I grin. “Only thing, really, that made any sense. You got all defensive over him.”

I flip the page, shading slowly and carefully. The picture blurs slightly as I look around, looking for Sam. Cas’ eyes find the speech bubble again: _Where’s Sam?_

I flip the page quickly, depicting a similar scene without the blurriness, with Cas’ next line: _A Hellhound dragged him off somewhere, Dean’s been trying to fight his way to him. Take Dean and go, I’ve got this!_

Cas opens his mouth as if to say something and closes it.

I draw out the next scene: my hand on Dean’s arm, Sam behind us, a knife in the Hellhound in front of us, and the image of all the hundreds of Hellhound bites bleeding on my arm. No words are needed here: none were spoken.

Dean blinks. Sam’s jaw drops. “Your _arm_. Damn.”

“I know. Lots of pain. No one was talking here, just...killing.”

I depict the next scene slightly tilted: Dean shakes me off, throwing himself into battle with the five Hellhounds.

I flip the page and this one is the quickest to draw; the forest, Sam still behind me, bloody-mouthed Hellhounds, and Dean, ripped to shreds.

Dean puts a hand out, touching the page. “Holy shit. So I get ripped to shreds. That’s...not disturbing at all.”

I laugh weakly. “Exactly my point. But it’s still not done: Sam and Cas are alive.”

Sam flinches. “So everyone dies. _Everyone_.”

“Yeah.”

I draw the image, turned towards Sam: Sam takes my hand, getting to his feet, and coughs up blood into his hand.

The dialogue is slightly different here,  but still present; I name him like in a story: _“Gabe,” Sam whispers weakly. “I knew you’d come. I told them to wait a bit longer.”_

Sam nearly dies reading that one. “So it could happen?”

“I don’t know. I hope not, you and Dean and Cas all died.”

I take a deep breath and keep going, flipping the page: With my arms wrapped around Sam, carrying him to a tree, and leaning him on it. A small speech bubble in the corner: _Cas is furious._

Sam laughs. “That was you, right? Yeah, Captain Obvious, Cas is furious here.”

I sigh, my patience slowly ticking away. “Yeah, well, you didn’t know that when I said it. You just figured he would be.”

Cas grimaces. “How long was the dream?”

“Just a little longer, like...twelve pages, tops. I can go faster, but it won’t look as good. I’m barely not puking on you, don’t push me.”

Sam frowns and gestures for me to continue.

I redraw the scene with Sam’s head starting to drop. _Yeah, I know. Dean was furious when he couldn’t come after me. I’m more patient._

Sam giggles. “I _am_ more patient when it comes to cases.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”

I draw the scene carefully, blurring it a little bit. The speech bubble’s in the corner again: _I noticed. Shit. Dean’s gone. Now Cas is going to kill me, for sure._

I turn the page and draw the same scene with Sam smiling with blood on his teeth, a speech bubble next to his head: _I’m not gonna make it. I’m sorry. I love you, Gabriel. So much._

I quickly flip the page, drawing one of the more painful ones; Sam’s eyes become closed. The image shifts down, as I kneeled at his side here. The speech bubble is longer than it is tall, closer to the middle of the side of the page: _Nononononononononono. Sam, damn it, no!_

The drawing moves back up to my normal eye level, with Cas in front of me. A speech bubble tilted slightly down—he’s taller than me—with his words: _Where’s Dean?_

The image moves back and his hair becomes more visible and more blurry—a film of tears blurring my vision. _You’d never believe me. Not anymore. I. Don’t. Know. I looked up and he was gone. And Sam...Dean’ll be furious._

Cas is glancing in the direction of Sam. The image shifts slightly so you can see his lolling head like I could. The speech bubble is bigger this time, surrounding the words: _This is all your fault. If you hadn’t’ve tried to take on all the packs at once, Sam and Dean would have a chance of both being alive._

I carefully draw this to depict the pain I felt at the coldness in his voice with a speech bubble: _I...Cas, please. I never wanted this._

The speech bubble is just above a thought bubble: _I never wanted this, you know I didn’t. Your...your cold disappointment hurts far more than if you were yelling._

Cas opens his mouth, at a loss for words. “What disappointment?”

“You said yourself that’s what it _does_. You sounded extremely disappointed, like a human when their child who is really smart gets an F on a test.”

I draw the same scene with a speech bubble aimed towards Cas: _Yeah, well, neither did I. Join the club._

The image moves down, with my knees just visible. A tear on my bloodied hand. The speech bubble is up at the top corner again: _I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. Dad orders us around like children, I can’t do it anymore. Damn it, I love Sam. I can’t lose him. I can’t lose Dean, I’d lose Sam in losing him. Shit._

Silence is all I hear in the room. Sam, Dean, and Cas seem to be barely breathing. Cas is waiting, I know, for his untimely death.

I draw the scene again, with a Hellhound charging towards us from a distance. Cas has another small speech bubble: _Maybe you should’ve thought of that before._

I draw the next scene shakily: a Hellhound on top of Cas, tearing his head off before blurring and fading away.

I flip the page, detailing the froth at the mouth of the Hellhound as it bounds towards me through the undergrowth.  It’s huge, an alpha hound. The image is as blurry as my vision was.

I turn the page slowly, dreading the next picture. This image is the hardest: Sam, with his neck in shreds and dripping blood. Me, dripping blood but not moving.

Sam gasps, eyes wide. “Move,” he urges.

I shake my head. “I said already I gave up. Everyone I would've fought for was dead.”

Sam looks horrified. “You died?”

“Yes, obviously.”

I flip the pad over to the next page, drawing the final scene before I woke up: a Hellhound’s teeth just on top of me and everything around black.

I set the pencil down, burying my face in my hands. “It’s all stuck in my head, I can’t get it out.”

Dean flips it back, flipping through slowly. “Well, shit. Sam gets his head ripped off after dying of blood loss. I get ripped to shreds. Cas’ head gets ripped off by a Hellhound. You get your head ripped off, too, I assume.”

I shrug. “I guess I do, I woke up just after that. Everything went black.”

Sam coughs, breathing hard as if he’s just run a race. “So we all die. In that reality.”

“Yes. Which is why I hope it’s not a vision of the future.”

Cas is so pale and shaky, Dean sets the pad of paper down and wraps his arms around him. “Cas. Cas, you okay?”

Cas slowly relaxes, some color returning to his skin as he hugs Dean back. “I will be. It’s just...I’d never even _dream_ of treating anyone like that.”

I attempt to move my unresponsive limbs and get up. Sam offers his hand knowingly and pulls me into a hug, holding me tightly.

My racing pulse slows somewhat. Sam loosens his grip to meet my eyes. “When did that dream happen?”

“I don’t know. When I first got here and Cas healed me.”

Cas blinks. “It’s been three days.”

“It’s stuck in my head.” I shiver. “He _made it_ to get stuck in our heads.”

Sam takes a deep breath. “If it was going to come true, it already would’ve. Okay?”

I nod slowly. “Still extremely disturbing.”

“Yeah, I’d be disturbed if I saw that, too.” Sam smiles weakly. “ _Anyone_ would be.”

Dean shivers. “ _I would be._ That’s saying something, with how long I’ve been training to deal with that kind of shit. That is some seriously scary shit right there.”

Sam releases me and Cas pulls me into a hug, murmuring in my ear, “Just so you know, I’d never treat you like that...no matter how bad of circumstances we’re under. Okay?”

I nod, allowing myself a moment to be weak and to shudder. “Okay.”

Dean waits until Cas releases me and hugs me tightly—hugs like it’s the last time like he always does, his fingers digging into my shoulders and his face buried in my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him in return, letting all the strange familial love I got out of the dream to pour into the hug.

Dean finally releases me, grinning. “You know, I never really appreciated how loving you can be when you’re _not_ joking around.”

I roll my eyes, the tension, pain, and panic of the dream fading away—this time, hopefully, for good.


End file.
